Learning to Say No | Girl Power

On a day to day basis, I am generally a very productive person. I complete all of my homework on time, attend all of my meetings, go to my court sessions for students, and still manage to take time for myself with my workouts and hanging out with friends for lunch or dinner.

Although I feel productive, there are still many days when I crawl into my bed at night, exhausted from the day I just had, and I feel like I did nothing that day. Sure, I've been awake since 5AM and haven't sat down once besides in class, but there's still a little voice in my head saying "you could have done more." I will lay in my bed for a solid hour scrolling through everything I missed throughout the day on social media before I force myself to put my phone down and turn on my diffuser and salt lamp to go to sleep. These two objects make me ~feel~ healthy, but when I realize that this is my routine day after day, I realize that perhaps this isn't the best way to live and to achieve long-term success.

I'll be the first to admit that I am a very naive person. I've known this for years. And, on top of being naive, I am also very gullible -- it's just part of my nature. Since I was just a little teeny-weeny kindergartner, I have let people take advantage of me in the classroom, in my work places, and even in my friend groups. My parents have harped on me for years about this, telling me to stand up for myself and stop being a doormat. My ex-boyfriend would tell me every single day that I needed to stop saying yes to everything because one day, I was going to hit my breaking point.

Sadly, he was right.

Since my freshman year at High Point University, I was told I needed to focus on the things that meant to the most to me. As an eager freshman, I signed up for every club under the sun -- including Teachers of Tomorrow, which is a club made for future educators (hello, not me). I knew everyone was right and that I didn't need to be a part of 80 clubs to be successful or to stand out. My poor success coach probably thought that at the rate I was going, I wouldn't have made it to junior year!

I wish I could say that I "toned down" to the point where I kept only the necessities, but, we all know I didn't. I am always running around like a mad woman or a chicken with its head cut off until I finally get my one hour of peace every single week in my counseling appointment. It feels weird typing that, because counseling always seems like such a ~hush hush~ topic, but I am a huge advocate of utilizing counselors because I know I would lose my mind without mine. I never went to a counselor before college 1) because I didn't know how and 2) I was afraid my family would judge me. But after going through some extremely challenging times back in 2015/2016, I decided it was time to do something for myself.

So what's the whole point of this blog post? Why is this relevant to my blog topic?

I didn't realize why I was saying "yes" to all of these opportunities that would arise until last week. I mean, I realized it, but I didn't think about the true underlying motivations of my constant yes's until I had my counseling appointment and naturally, it was brought up:

because I am a girl, I don't feel like I can say no and not have repercussions or look weak.

I never thought this had to do with gender or incapability based on my gender identification. That never even crossed my mind over the past few years. But when I was sitting there, being asked these tough questions by my counselor (who does a phenomenal job at pulling these answers and true insights out of me), it rose to our attention that I feel inadequate as a woman in my society. When I was talking about a previous job and why I despised it, I realized that I felt isolated because I knew I was being paid less and working more hours than my male-coworkers, many of whom were quite sexist towards the very vulnerable 16-year-old Lyndsey. I pushed my feelings aside because I was constantly reminding myself that I needed this job and that I was lucky to have it, because in a small town like mine, it's hard for teenagers to find jobs. Unfortunately for me, this sexism didn't end, though.

When I got to campus in 2015, my determination to get involved was in full force, as I unsuccessfully ran for freshman class representative. I pushed this memory into the back of my mind because although it hurt me, it didn't matter...until now. I am in the midst of my campaign for student body President -- yes, of the whole school -- and when talking about this in my appointment, this memory flooded my mind:

I knocked on the door to hand out my flyer saying "VOTE FOR CLOS - FRESHMAN CLASS REPRESENTATIVE" and waited a minute until the door flew open, and a boy, towering over me, screamed in my face: "WHO THE F*** ARE YOU? YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA WIN? GIRLS DON'T WIN SH**."

...Oh? He crumbled up my flyer and threw it on the floor, and I remember just walking away in shock that I was talked to like that. I didn't tell anybody, though. I was too embarrassed. Luckily for me, 6 months later, the first female President of SGA took over and gave me hope that girls, indeed, could win.

Then, Alex Archuleta, the 2nd female President won.

Now, I am in the running to become the 3rd female President.
And yes, I am secretly hoping that this boy tries to rip up my flyer again. Try me, sir.

But anyways, going back to why saying no made me feel weak...

I felt like compared to my male coworkers, in every workplace, I was going to be looked down upon if I said no versus if they said no. When I was discussing this scenario of the rude boy during my campaign, I realized that my attitude and actions have completely changed since I began at HPU. I am not afraid anymore. Boys don't intimidate me. They won't bring me down. If I say no to something, it's because I can. I have the power to. And I'm sad that it took me so long to realize this.

The whole point of this post is so that I can hopefully inspire at least just one other lovely gal into realizing her worth. The fact that this didn't hit me until last week is mind-blowing, but also really changed my perspective moving forward. I refuse to be brought down because of my gender.

Know your worth, and don't be taken advantage of.

That's all for now...