Chaos I've Never Experienced
In a time of a chaos I have never experienced, the only thing I can think to do is to write.
The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions, fears, thoughts, and conversations that I've never dreamt of having. We spend so much time worrying about everything out of our control that can affect us: natural disasters, plane crashes, freak accidents, etc. But then, something we have never even thought about strikes us, and we don't know how to handle it.
When it began in China a few months ago, I felt close to it. My job teaching young Chinese children online opened my eyes to how truly devastating this pandemic was for so many families in China. I experienced their daily lives with them. I watched them cry in front of the camera because they didn't want to be stuck inside anymore. I listened as they told me stories of their parents, grandparents, and friends messaging back and forth for weeks. I sympathized when they said they couldn't wait for this all to be over, as I sat there and thought "wow, how terrible. I will never know what they're going through."
And here I sit, on March 16, 2020, experiencing exactly what I watched them go through. My mind feels numb. Everything is chaotic. I can't have one single conversation without it involving the national pandemic that my country is now consumed by. A week ago, these murmurs began. They were a lot quieter, but we all felt it looming overhead. I started thinking about my upcoming travel planned to 3 different states over a 1 month span. I thought, "nah, I don't need to cancel those. It'll be fine."
Just 72 hours later, everything is cancelled.
But that's not the issue. My unravelled travel plans are disappointing, but that's not the issue here. The issue is that my country is in complete shambles over something we predicted but didn't want to face. There are now MILLIONS of people, my own friends and family, without jobs because of nationwide closings. There are now MILLIONS of kids without food because they can't go to school. There are now MILLIONS of college seniors who are mourning their loss of their final semester, their final festivities, and the graduation that they worked so hard to achieve. There are now MILLIONS of scared Americans who are terrified to step foot outside their houses because they know they have loved ones who would die if they contracted this virus.
It feels like a movie, but this is now our reality. This has brought out the very worst of those around me, and the very best of those around me.
Grocery stores are bare. School systems everywhere closed. Restaurants, bars, and nightlife not a person in sight.
I watched this happen in China, and now I'm watching it happen in America. We like to think that we are immune to the workings of our international system, but we are not.
None of us know what to think. None of us know what to do. None of us truly know what is happening, what is going to happen, and what we need to do to stop this from happening. We've been told a million different things.
"Stay in your houses and avoid all social contact."
"Just because other businesses are stopping, doesn't mean ours will. See you at work tomorrow at 8am."
"Go to the store and stock up, things are running out."
"Don't go to the store, that's ridiculous."
"We have another confirmed case in this state."
"We don't know the number of cases because thousands of people aren't being tested."
I write about this because I truly don't know what to do. My mind can't process all of this chaos, back and forth, hysteria, sorrow for those affected, and genuine confusion on what to do.
I don't know what this is, but I know I never want to experience this type of chaos again. This isn't something I'm taking lightly, but it is something I will look back and say I lived through. Many others won't have the ability to say the same. That's what's bothering me.
In this time of darkness, we shouldn't be arguing. We shouldn't be talking about the politics of this. That's not what any of this is about.
I hope this ends soon. I don't like seeing our world like this.
Lyndsey
The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions, fears, thoughts, and conversations that I've never dreamt of having. We spend so much time worrying about everything out of our control that can affect us: natural disasters, plane crashes, freak accidents, etc. But then, something we have never even thought about strikes us, and we don't know how to handle it.
When it began in China a few months ago, I felt close to it. My job teaching young Chinese children online opened my eyes to how truly devastating this pandemic was for so many families in China. I experienced their daily lives with them. I watched them cry in front of the camera because they didn't want to be stuck inside anymore. I listened as they told me stories of their parents, grandparents, and friends messaging back and forth for weeks. I sympathized when they said they couldn't wait for this all to be over, as I sat there and thought "wow, how terrible. I will never know what they're going through."
And here I sit, on March 16, 2020, experiencing exactly what I watched them go through. My mind feels numb. Everything is chaotic. I can't have one single conversation without it involving the national pandemic that my country is now consumed by. A week ago, these murmurs began. They were a lot quieter, but we all felt it looming overhead. I started thinking about my upcoming travel planned to 3 different states over a 1 month span. I thought, "nah, I don't need to cancel those. It'll be fine."
Just 72 hours later, everything is cancelled.
But that's not the issue. My unravelled travel plans are disappointing, but that's not the issue here. The issue is that my country is in complete shambles over something we predicted but didn't want to face. There are now MILLIONS of people, my own friends and family, without jobs because of nationwide closings. There are now MILLIONS of kids without food because they can't go to school. There are now MILLIONS of college seniors who are mourning their loss of their final semester, their final festivities, and the graduation that they worked so hard to achieve. There are now MILLIONS of scared Americans who are terrified to step foot outside their houses because they know they have loved ones who would die if they contracted this virus.
It feels like a movie, but this is now our reality. This has brought out the very worst of those around me, and the very best of those around me.
Grocery stores are bare. School systems everywhere closed. Restaurants, bars, and nightlife not a person in sight.
I watched this happen in China, and now I'm watching it happen in America. We like to think that we are immune to the workings of our international system, but we are not.
None of us know what to think. None of us know what to do. None of us truly know what is happening, what is going to happen, and what we need to do to stop this from happening. We've been told a million different things.
"Stay in your houses and avoid all social contact."
"Just because other businesses are stopping, doesn't mean ours will. See you at work tomorrow at 8am."
"Go to the store and stock up, things are running out."
"Don't go to the store, that's ridiculous."
"We have another confirmed case in this state."
"We don't know the number of cases because thousands of people aren't being tested."
I write about this because I truly don't know what to do. My mind can't process all of this chaos, back and forth, hysteria, sorrow for those affected, and genuine confusion on what to do.
I don't know what this is, but I know I never want to experience this type of chaos again. This isn't something I'm taking lightly, but it is something I will look back and say I lived through. Many others won't have the ability to say the same. That's what's bothering me.
In this time of darkness, we shouldn't be arguing. We shouldn't be talking about the politics of this. That's not what any of this is about.
I hope this ends soon. I don't like seeing our world like this.
Lyndsey
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